Days After..

TONIGHT (26/3/2010)

Tonight, a toll of one’s dream
A delay of one’s bliss
Of a calling one tried to insist
Career,what? Did fail.

Tonight,the discovery of a downfall
The height of atrophy
The moment of breakdown and of plea
Of an insatiable hunger for deliverance.

Tonight,thoughts of experiences are retro
Sad lines written,
Still hope of another day break exists
Just let the clock tick,tonight will soon end.

virtues in a coffee shop menu

Hope cooked , seasoned with the sweetness of disguise
Innocence busted, sizzled by reality of life
Curiosity grooved in, boils the sensation and charm
Forbearance cultured, stirred wasted time?

Eloquence continued, fried on a pan of lies
Discernment misplaced, flavored like pies
Fortitude fabricated, garnished with engaging paranoia
Commitment unwanted, whipped winning bet put by your momma.

Jealousy craved for, baked testosterone levelled up
Temptation savoured, brewed lust in your cup
Animosity slowly chewed, buttered buddy felt used
Pride sautéed, my toasted heart finally crumbled from abuse.

TEASER...

I don’t want to make this site a place of a written confession of a 28 year old V.This is plainly a thinking-out-loud thingy that is purely based on present state of mind. The reason that I am in the mood of reminiscing is because of the recent meet ups with special people from my past – elementary friends, high school, university, and www- friends. I must say that I am really blessed to have long time loyal friends that never fail to get reconnected and show excitement about updates, stories and turn out of events, be it serious or plain gossip. And yes, that include meetings with few closest guy friends.
The intellectual intercourse with my friends, did pave way for me to reflect and look back on how I had my fill in the twists of the so called game of love and friendship. I really don’t know if what really existed in the past were of amorous matter or clearly akin to fascination. I find it very remarkable on how I can talk about them like they have by no means been source of sleepless nights, chest pains (?) and uncertainty. Now that time has undoubtedly buff up the jagged part of my youth, it is just amusing to reflect then spill it out.
This is not a head count of boys/guys in my life, for truth be told, you would only need your fingers to be able to count them, hahah, oh no, just need to compare it with the number of senses, I guess. I was not the kind of girl who was always out for a date. I don’t attract boys and I was cool about that fact --- before. To be honest I’ve heard that some of my contemporaries or some guys from lower batches like me, but I don’t believe them because they don’t get close to me like what other guys do with girls they like. But I was young then, I practically enjoy group dates and clean yet crazy fun. Thus, only few guys left cheesy memories in me.I'll spare you the details. Message me if interested..hahah.

complete randomness..

---- the last time i had actually taken a leap is considered to be one of my downfalls; the last time that i actually tried being unusual in their point of view was the first time i had completely felt good of being so normal. At certain point in life when I practically did what i thought would make me happy was technically the period of confusion,of evident contrasts, of melancholy.

---- permanence is merely an illusion -- such as no one can permanently be considered happy nor be considered permanently sad. Even love does not stay permanently and liking is really more of temporariness.

---- perfection has only been a borrowed word from no where, just an add-on for vocabulary, for no one has the right to claim such since the true essence of it continues to be unknown--unfathomable,indecipherable.

---- known to the impossibility of nirvana, of life's perfection, justifies complaints, as one cannot get thing easily, rises the high probability of disappointments, of attempts to make things work but to no avail, ergo, giving up.

---- on the verge of giving up,and with the the help of a moving theme song playing in the background, drama follows.the part where one can be so vulnerable, that default desperation and hopelessness would make one think of the desire to end everything, when everything would sometime includes the very reason of living.

---- living is about surviving, of catching breath after a sprint, of sneezing after smelling the fragrance of the flower, of dreaming that you are dreaming while you are asleep, of enjoying the spontaneity of laughter that would eventually bring tears, of choosing love regardless of multiple death as it often makes a heart stops to beat.

---- With love,one feels normal, of being mortal,of being alive.Glad I jumped. :)

MENTAL RAPID TRANSIT

As the door closed, heeded for that familiar sound,

Waiting for the last whistle blow, finally I’m north bound

Forced not to complain, enduring muscle strain,

Must be home soon, here comes the next train.

Squeezed inside, hand in my pocket,

Tried to reach and checked for my ticket.

No need for my scarf, AC’s down, not cold

Jam-packed, there’s no need for the bar to hold.

Lucky not to be all office-girls geared up

Who are now melting like ice drop flavored make-up,

Skimpy skirts pulled up, unaware of unbuttoned top,


....to be continued.....

TICK-TOCK

drowned with the weight of his stare,
in reverie i shivered, as I felt bare
awakened by reality, my solitude manages conceited outer amity.
mindful not to push out the stud on my nose.
i took another hit of my morning dews dose.
i bathe myself with tea to hide my skin hues
while I listen to the untimely head-bang news.
until suddenly mood blasted by silence
perplexity amuses my own kind of innocence
i let, again, the warmth of your remoteness enveloped my mass
be possessed by your voice, lullaby-ed by caress,
disillusioned by words, i lived in trance
my today is your tomorrow --- our never-ending instance.